Bill's No Fail Sleep Solutions... Lincoln, Golf, Idaho & Moses

     Remember those days as a kid when you HATED going to bed? Who would've dreamed, pardon the pun, that when we got older going to bed would be a highlight of the day! But going to sleep or staying asleep just isn't as easy as used to be... is it?

     I have what I think are a few fail safe mind games you can try to either fall asleep or go back to sleep. The key is thinking of something besides the events of the past day or the events you're expecting for the coming day or days. I'm not sure if it's a proven fact, but I firmly believe that it's impossible to think of two things at the same time. So try one of the following if you're a tosser and a turner....

Be a News Person: I am a former news guy. So, this game isn't a stretch. I got the idea after watching the movie "Lincoln," starring Daniel Day Lewis. I loved that movie. That night while trying to go to sleep, I thought "wouldn't it be fun to interview a 19th century leader as a regular 21st century man."
     I asked all the obligatory question in my horizontal prelude. Teresa had no idea what I was doing because she's a sound--SOUND sleeper. Meantime, I bundled around multiple pillows, tried not to roll to the middle of our bed that dips like The Big Valley and stay still.
     That night, I asked #16 all kinds of fun stuff. I specifically remember asking him, "What's your favorite snack." Of course, he didn't answer (that'd be a little weird.)  I also remember asking him, "What's your vice.... What's your unnecessary worry... What time do you get up in the morning... What's your favorite supper?"
     This pretend interview worked, but it didn't. It worked because eventually I fell asleep. It didn't because he was a great interview.

Tee It Up!:  This is my go to game.. for a few reasons. First, I love to play golf. I like to watch golf. I enjoy reading about golf. and because of all the above I've created multiple variations of Tee It Up!.
     This bedtime diversion works best if I've played earlier that day. It works even better if I've played well that day. For example, the day I shot three under par I fell asleep a lot faster than the day(s) I shot five-to-seven(ish) over par.
      Here's how it works. Fluff up your pillows and don't bother the sound, sleep noises making loved one who's perfectly happy next to you. Then, begin re-playing your round.
      For example, I'll silently say in my mind, "Okay, my #1 tee shot went right... My second shot returned to the fairway... I'm 120 out.. I wanna be in front or on the green, but I don't wanna be in that sand... I hit my wedge front center... chipped up.... dropped the putt... Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
     Usually, I don't get past the first or second hole when I play Tee It Up. Then if I awake in the night, I pick up where I left off. In the above scenario, I picked up on the #2 tee box and continued my game and Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Idaho: This is my most intellectual game. I bet if you try it... you'll screw it up when you get to the letter "I."
     In this game, climb in bed & close your eyes. Then, begin putting all the states in alphabetical order. Sounds easy, right? Humpf! Idaho always trips me up.
     And here's the rub, once you realize you missed a state, you have to start from the beginning. Sounds easy, right? Just wait till you get the "Ms" and the "Ns." And, where does Washington, DC go?

Moses: This sleep game began when I was reading the Old Testament... great stuff. I got in bed one night & my mind was twirling. I got to thinking about scripture from my day's reading. I was reading Job at the time.
     I silently asked myself, "Who'd play Job if Hollywood made a movie?" I really don't remember who Tinsel Town cast in the role, but I'm sure they were very patient in their selection. Ultimately, this turned out to be a fun challenge.
     Beware though... I found that many times my thoughts returned to whatever movie I had last seen.  One night, we'd recently watched 10-Ways to Lose a Man with Matthew McConaughy and Kate Hudson. I was reading the New Testament at this time. So, it turns out, all the principals looked like those two.

     We all have a lot going on in our lives. If you can turn it all off at bedtime, I envy you. But if you're anything like me, try one of these games or create your own. No matter how many bills you have, no matter what worries you at work, no matter what makes you sad.... your mind, as complex as it is, simply cannot think about two things at the same time.

Bill Robertson, No Charge.