Uncooperative Cows & English Bluebells

      I was going to title this blog STUPID COWS, but I think I got outsmarted and surprised by a batch of black and red bovines. 

Uncooperative Cows/Windmill Ranch, Snyder TX

     Teresa and I pulled up this morning at The Windmill Ranch Preserve near Snyder America. We knew something was amuck almost immediately. Cows that were supposed to be outside a critical fence line were inside that line. That means they had free roam of the area we call The People's Area... the buildings, the houses, the NOT FOR COWS area. 

      The surprise easily could've been a landscaping disaster considering we just spent hours planting sod and lots and lots of flowers (more on that coming up) plus all the time we've spent just taming Mother Nature. 

Cow Evidence/Windmill Ranch, Snyder TX

     A 1,500 pound momma cow with a big calf can wreck havoc. Multiply all those pounds by four mommas and four calves and it's very surprising we still have sod or flowers. But that's not to say, they didn't leave behind more than a few heaping helpings of prime fertilizer.

     T & I are no rustlers. We managed to get two out, but the other six wouldn't budge and this is where the supposedly STUPID COWS just became the UNCOOPERATIVE, smarter than me COWS. 

     The trick to moving cattle is bringing them food. The easiest way is by 'Honking them up.' Honk your truck's horn and 95% of the time the cows come running. The best way to increase those odds is to shack a feed sack. It's like the dinner bell for Angus through Watusi. Well, we had the horn but not the feed sack... Big mistake!

     The only thing we had that might make a similar sound was a bag of mesquite wood chips for our smoker. So, T sat the cab honking the horn. I got in the bed shaking the sack and making cow call noises. I even got down and poured some on the ground as if I was pouring out 'cake.' Nothing!!! The mommas looked at me like they were saying, "We know that's not our normal horn and you're an idiot if we think that clear bag of something is our normal cake." Of course, the calves wouldn't budge if the mommas didn't.

      The bottom line is: We gave up, called the cows' owner and he had them out within 30-minutes. Either way, we avoided landscaping disaster.

Mums at the Ranch/WRP, Snyder, TX

     Now to all the flowers. We started a couple weeks ago with the usual, Mums. First, we cleared out what we call the Pavilion Bed, brought in rock to better see the snakes, got some fun-mildly mexicanish pots and finally planted the Mums. But as for the big picture, the big splash, the big payoff, we'll have to wait until spring. 

     Spring and early summer is when we hope to have success with our bulb planting. The whole process began weeks ago, but this morning we began planting with English Bluebells. I've never heard of them, but the catalog says they're pretty and can tolerate our zone (7.) And, they're just the beginning for what we call the Big House Bed. Soon, we'll add Hostas, Ferns, Turk's Cap Lillies, Daffodils and Allium. Stick around for for five or six months and we'll see what happens.

Bulb Planting Time/WRP, Snyder, TX

     Gracie Update: She's NO cow dog. She was absolutely useless in today's bovine debacle. The only thing she did that included anything cow was that she rolled in cow poop.

     Diet Update: It's going good. Pounds are dropping, but today I'm daydreaming about making sandwiches into salads. Seriously.

Bill Robertson (10/14/21,) The cows are half Akaushi. It's a Japanese breed (duh.) The full-blooded bull is bred to Angus (red or black.) The result is a calf that science shows makes choice equal to prime beef. Plus, it's more heart healthy than normal beef. Check out Heartbrand Beef for more menu and more taste. https://heartbrandbeef.com/

Impact Affects Remembrance

      I'm closer to 60 years old than I am to 50. Lately due to some very sad circumstances in our community, I've been thinking about what happens when we're gone. Also, I just finished a text conversation with my son that sparked thoughts about one's impact on another person's life. This is a difficult blog to write. 

     I suppose the connection is... One's impact affects one's remembrance. That is to say, you're only as good as the other person's last memory, EXCLUDING CLOSE FAMILY.

     These deep thoughts began awhile back for me when certain people who we knew passed away. There's absolutely no question these were terrible, tremendously sad days for those families. Those parents, grandparents, husbands and wives, siblings and etc will never, ever forget their loved ones because they have mountains of good, bad and ugly memories to recall.

     But what about casual friends, acquaintances and even divided families? Today's text conversation with my son drove that point home for me. That is...What do I remember about the people who I knew are gone and what will the people who knew me remember when I'm gone, even the children? Of course, life MUST go on, but does it have to go on so quickly for those who aren't directly impacted by the death.... Those who have only a Post-it note of memories, good or bad? 

     I was in the grocery store today. I saw someone we know who recently lost a child. , They were  shopping, but no one around them knew their grief. Teresa lost her dear, dear father. She soldiered on, but no else stopped their day. I wonder what those who've gone, looking down from above, are saying. Are they saying: "Dang, no body besides my family misses me. Heck, some of my family doesn't even miss me." Or are they saying, "Thank you for loving me so much and missing me so much. I love and miss you too. I'll see you in time." We move on.

     I guess the $64,000 question is... How do you or I want to be remembered. My son's text conversation today showed me he didn't remember some of my sweetest memories of him. I'll give him a pass because he was young. 

     One's Impact affects one's remembrance whether casual friend, acquaintance or divided family member. Does time change impact?

Bill Robertson (10/13/21,) Hurry up time!

They're Not Gone Yet!

      Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water or when I began to fill more comfortable at The Windmill Ranch Preserve near Snyder, America without CONSTANTLY looking down, they're back.

Watch for Snakes

     Yep. I'm talking about rattlesnakes, rattlers, rattle bugs, whatever you call em. I killed my first one in a very long time this morning. This one was probably a juvenile. It wasn't very big. That's the good news. The bad news is, it wasn't very big which usually means bigger ones are in the hood.

     Today's victim was laid out on the concrete breezeway between the ranch kitchen and pavilion. That exact location used to be 'rattlesnake alley' before the concrete. I haven't seen one there in at least two years. So it's no surprise that my 'guard' was down. Thank goodness, this one's brown stood out against the concrete's grey. 

Must Haves

     So how exactly do you remove a rattlesnake? In this case, my weapons were a walking stick and a garden hoe. I used the stick to scoot the snake from behind a big trashcan. Then, I used the stick to beat the soup out of it. The stick broke, but the hoe did the job. 

     Some of you might know about our very great dog, Gracie. She's fine, but probably a still traumatized, but not by the snake. She never saw it. I corralled her into the back of my truck and then returned to begin my snake clobbering. I think it was the repeated whacks of the stick to the snake/concrete and probably a little bit of my yelling that kept her in the truck bed..... for the rest of the day. So the bottom line is, "Watch for Snakes."

Gracie's Okay

     On a much lighter note, T & I are back on our diet. It's the one I've written about before that really works, but includes the absolute worst food I've ever put into my mouth. We're both down a few pounds in five days and determined to make it work , but already I'm dreaming and day dreaming about the foods that quench my cravings.

     I turned off the tabs in my head last night by thinking of what I'd have for breakfast at McDonald's. My choices were an Egg McMuffin, a Sausage Biscuit with Cheese or a Sausage Burrito. My rules were that I could choose just one. The extra sad part is/was I spent so much time thinking about what I would have for breakfast at McDonald's that I even began thinking about the ridiculous amount of time I was spending thinking about what I would have for breakfast at McDonald's. And to make it worse, I made my Mickey D's choice and then went on to What Would I have for Lunch at Burger King. Would it be a Whopper or Original Chicken Sandwich? Thank goodness I fell asleep some time between my imaginary breakfast and lunch. If sleep eludes me tonight, my debate will be supper. Should it be Taco Bell (Combo burrito w/ two crunchy tacos and lots of hot sauce,) Schlotsky's (small Original with Salt & vinegar chips )or Saggio's pizza (Italian sausage) in Albuquerque?

Bill Robertson (10/12//21) Egg McMuffin & Whopper (but I do love the Original Chicken Sandwich with Buffalo Sauce) and I suspect Saggio's will be the winner.

How to Use Your Sunglasses & the West Texas Camel

     I can't make this up. My new sunglasses came with instructions and there's a live, real camel in the tiny west Texas hamlet of Hermleigh, population 200-350.

Smart Sunglasses

     Teresa and I treated ourselves to new sunglasses. My old sunglasses were plastic and cost $9.99 at Walmart. I gave Teresa her old sunglasses about 10-years ago. So, we thought we were both due some new shades. Apparently, sunglasses are smarter than the Average Joe or Jane these days. 

Lots of Instructions

     Not only did our new Foster Grants, no not really, come with instructions, but also the critical information is in no less than 28-languages. I guess the good news is, the sunglasses maker thinks very little of a lot of people in a lot of different places, not just Americans.

Don't Use Dirty Rags (duh)

     The fine print ranges from: "Category and Type of Filter," to "Do not use dirty or abrasive cloths to clean lenses." It's real heady stuff.  The flip side is, we've learned 28 different ways to say MANUFACTURER'S INFORMATION NOTE. For example, Danish for Manufacturer's Information Note is: FABRIKANTENS OPLYSNINGSSKEMA. Use that at your next cocktail party. 

The Hermleigh, TX Camel

     I'm not sure what was a bigger surprise this week, the sunglasses surprise or seeing a real live camel in a west Texas town. He, or maybe it was a she, was just wondering around eating the grass in Hermleigh. 

     He or she was fenced in, but otherwise the Arabian camel or dromedary (Camelus dromedarius) seemed happy as clam. I asked around, "Who knew there was a camel in Hermleigh"? Most folks were like us, they had no idea, but not everyone. According to our good friends Laurie and Don Chandler, this Camelus dromedarius even made an appearance the Hermleigh Cardinals Homecoming Parade. I bet it didn't get hot or thirsty.

Bill Robertson (10/8/21,) We have one new granddaughter (Ruthie ) and another one (name TBD) due any day. Times are good. 

     

     

Two Geeks, Two Chickens & A Pan of Enchiladas

     Once upon a time, a Geek was a circus performer entertaining 18th century audiences with strange and unusual acts. I heard a story that a good, old fashioned Geek was a person who bit off the heads of chickens. Sounds like something that was tremendously entertaining in the long, long ago.

     But now, a GEEK is a hero. They even come in packs. They're the people who come to the rescue of TWO CHICKENS like Teresa and me. They are the GEEK SQUAD of Best Buy... and they are worth every penny. And what goes better with a GEEK SQUAD encounter? A pan of chicken enchiladas, of course. LOL, I bet you were wondering how I'd work enchiladas into this story.

Teddy & Troupe/Our Geek Heroes

     The  beginning of a story always begins at the start and the start of this story begins with an ancient computer, at least it was ancient as technology is defined these days.

     We did a thing. We got a Mac because our older model PC bit the dust. Start-up took too long. Trying to open apps took even longer. The joke in the house was: "I'm going to start the laptop. I'll be back after a shower, walk, errands and a nap." No, it wasn't bad. I didn't need to take the nap.

     So.. We went to Best Buy. The smart kid talked us into a Mac. We got the Mac. The staff on hand asked, "Do you want us to set it up?" And that's where we made our first big mistake. If you're over 50 and anyone younger asks "do you want help setting up," take their offer!

     The Readers Digest version is: We Brought the computer home, opened the box, literally said a prayer and began the set-up. We got as far as the On & Off button. We clicked something and it asked for our password.  We clicked on something else and it asked for our password. There's absolutely no denying it that by this time I was about to explode. I'm saying, "Just open DAMNIT!"'

     T'S the calm in the storm. She took over at the keyboard. Before I knew it, it was MAGIC! We were in. Hallelujah! Then, something went amuck. Somehow, someway, the new sumbitch as I'm now calling the Mac, has somehow synched some of T's stuff and some of mine. We have her pictures, but my contacts. We have T's log in, but my messages. T said, "I can fix it. Go smoke!" Sounded like a stellar idea to me.

     If you know nothing else about my beautiful, caring wife, it's that she does not give up. I've seen her stay on a task for much longer than it deserved because she has that 'I'm gonna get this done if I have to stay awake all night gene.' But in this case, T met her match. Mac kicked her ass. The last words she spoke that night were, "Call the Geek Squad.'

     And that brings us to our two new heroes and almost to our plate of enchiladas. Our heroes are Teddy and Troupe. Not surprisingly, the two have been to our house on more than one occasion. Talking to them about tech stuff is almost like us talking to our grandchildren, the really young ones. The teenagers probably think we're idiots too. 

     We had a 10-item list for Troupe and Teddy. It was kind of embarrassing when Troupe said, "Oh my.What did y'all do?" We gave 'em cookies to shut up and keep them fortified. The bottom line was, the youngsters got us fixed up real fast. I knew we were out of our league when one of the good GEEKS asked,"What else ya got?"

Bill's Not Yet World Famous Enchiladas

     As you can imagine, it's was past dinner time at this point. We knew it would take awhile for the GEEKS to figure out all screw-ups. So to be prepared like any 50+ couple, we made a pan of chicken enchiladas. Look at 'em! WOW! FANTASTIC! So now, we're opening a new eatery. We're calling it Bill & Teresa's Enchilada and Queso House. You haven't lived until you've had T's queso. Order the spicy version. It's $6.50 per order, but it comes with homemade chips.

Bill Robertson (9/8/2021,) Cluck! Cluck!

 

 

Sod, Armadillos, Castor Oil & Earth Worms

      I'm a lover not a fighter, but a pesky armadillo is getting on my last nerve. This story began a few weeks ago when we laid a whole bunch of new sod at the ranch, in what we call Uncle Jimmie's Area. The area's called that because many years ago, while visiting us from New Mexico, my Uncle Jimmie, my cousin Jina and my mother sat in the shade in this lush, green patch of grass near our Big House.

Uncle Jimmie's Area

     Unfortunately, time took it's toll on Uncle Jimmie's area. Once lush and cool, the area became dry, dusty, dirty and disappointing. So, I had the bright idea to put down sod. How hard can it be? Well, I'm a moron.

Putting Down Sod/Windmill Ranch

     Have you ever put down sod? Imagine picking up 10-15 pounds of dead weight, walking with it for 10-50 feet, putting it down, pressing it in and repeating that process for approximately 325 times.😡😡 If you're knocking on 60-years old, it's borderline terrible!

     But perseverance prevailed! We got the sod down and watered in. It looked pretty good for an amateur job. Then, it happened. The worst possible thing. The one thing we dreaded. T & I pulled up yesterday and....

     Teresa: "Oh no!"

     Me: "What?"

     Teresa: "Look!!"

     Sure enough, the one thing we didn't want to happen.. happened. The one thing that equaled spending money for nothing happened. The one thing that made 325 times of picking up and putting down 10-15 pounds of dead weight seem pointless happened. 

     A grass destroying, bug diggin', sod bustin' armadillo found our newly planted Bermuda sod and made a mess of it. I'm trying to work on my language, but this moment was not my finest. In fact, I had no idea that I could use so many expletives in so many different ways. I used 'em as a noun, a verb, an adverb, a adjective and I think even as a preposition. Great stuff!

Armadillos Hate Castor Oil

     I'm not going to lie to you. I'll shoot the hole diggin', grass destroyin', armor clad mess maker if I see him, but remember my lead sentence; I'm a lover not a fighter. So, we Googled "How to Get Rid of Armadillos." It seems Dillos have a strong sense of smell and don't like Castor Oil or Cayenne Pepper.

     So you guessed it. I spent time today spraying 16 ounces of Castor Oil with four ounces of dish liquid and water on Uncle Jimmie's area. By the end of it, I was covered in nasty smelling oil and sticky Dawn. 

     But, I'm not leaving our Dillo dilemma to chance. We got a trap too. Google says, "Use a trap baited with meal worms, earth worms, cat food or sardines." We doubled up. We used worms and cat food. The trap is positioned near the suspected burrow (underneath the Big House stairs.) Here Dilly, Dilly. Come out and play!! I'll keep you posted.

Bill Robertson (5/12/21,) In the southern United States, some armadillos are naturally infected with the bacteria that causes Hansen's disease (Leprosy) in people and it may be possible that they can spread to people. But, it's VERY RARE.

     

     

     

Mystery at the Windmill Ranch near Snyder Texas

      If hell hath no fury like a woman scorned then whatever you do, do NOT no matter what, never-ever scorn mother nature... NEVER-EVER!

    A couple sentences from now, I'm going to show you a picture that as far as I'm concerned is cold blooded murder committed by none other Mother Nature. Long ago, Anita Bryant warned us all; "Don't Fool with Mother Nature." Now, I'm convinced she was right. Teresa, on the other hand, disagrees with me but she doesn't have any conclusive evidence to support her theory. I don't either. So, we're asking for your help to solve this Windmill Ranch Mystery.

     The story begins on a blustery, spring morning as we were entering the ranch for daily duties. I'm watching the road in front of me for deer, but mostly new calves that have learned to get off the road. Teresa's watching out her window too for calves, but mostly for deer and other wildlife.

     Teresa: "Did you see that!? Something's in that tree!"

     Me: "What? I didn't see anything. Where?"

     Teresa: "Back there.. in the trees. It looked like a deer or something hanging in the trees."

     Me: "Didn't see it."

     Teresa: "It's probably just a shadow."

     If you now nothing else about T, know this... Once she gets curious about something she's going to get an answer whether it takes a few minutes or a few hours. That quality proved true almost immediately after we parked at the ranch pavilion.

     Teresa: "I'm going back to see what's in that tree. Gracie, stay!"

     So, she fired up Big Red, our old red pickup, and zoomed off to investigate. Meantime, I stayed put. It wasn't 10-minutes later that she came back with a couple fuzzy photos.

Windmill Ranch

     Teresa: "I took this from the truck. I was wearing my flip flops and didn't want to                     get out. It's not a  deer. What is it?"

     Me: "I dunno. We'll take a closer look on the way out."

     

    

Windmill Ranch

So going on this pictur,e what do you think it is and how do you think it got there? It could be a deer, maybe a shadow or maybe something else. We wouldn't know until a few more hours later when we were leaving the property.

     We drove out like we always do. We can't go too fast because either the road is too bumpy or the calves won't get out of the way, or sometimes, like this day, we have our heads on a swivel looking for a mystery hanging in the trees. By trees, I'm mean the ubiquitous, west Texas mesquites. This time of year, some are still brown and gray but others are beginning to sprout their green buds. The wet trunks on this day made the whole grove look like shadows rising from the ground up.

     Then! There it was. Something was definitely hanging in the trees. We walked to it, about 100-yards off the road. Sure enough, it was a coyote wedged between a 'V' shaped mesquite tree. It's back legs dangling too far away from any lumber to gain traction. It was dead. But, how?

Windmill Ranch/Snyder, Texas

     This is where T & I have differing conclusions. T's certain my theory doesn't hold water so she believes the animal was shot and purposefully hung in the tree to ward off other coyotes as per Ranch Lore. I disagree.

     I believe the coyote was chasing prey, jumped up into the tree, slipped, fell into the 'V', snapped its back and died in the wedge. I base my conclusion on the circumstantial evidence that there was no blood and no obvious bullet hole

    We, The Festus & Fife Detective Agency, are stumped on this murder in Mother Nature. Any and all thoughts are welcome. For now, we'll put this in our Cold Case file.

Bill Robertson, (4/13/21)