Herding Jackasses with Cat Food & Calling Hulk Hogan

     Donkeys, Jackasses or Mules... We're not sure, but we had two unexpected long-eared equine visitors at the ranch.

Bonnie or Clyde?/Windmill Ranch

     The duo dubbed "Bonnie & Clyde" showed up while we were on our west coast adventure. Our neighbor, who happens to be the area's Game Warden, texted me. I've included the actual text.

Do You Have Donkeys?

     The text is dated January 20th around 7:44pm. I think at that time we were doing anything, absolutely anything, but thinking about a conversation that would include animals, much less donkeys.

     What do you do when your 1,444.6 miles from home and your neighbor texts you to ask if you have donkeys? Of course, you begin to wonder... what?!!!!!!!!!

     I'll spare you another text stream, but suffice it to say our electronic conversation continued with our Game Warden neighbor. Ultimately, we found out that Bonnie & Clyde belong to another neighbor, who it so happens is a younger, less hulkier Hulk Hogan look-a-like. Business in front---Party in the back.

Here Donkey, Donkey/Windmill Ranch

     Wondering animals aren't that strange out here in west Texas. Bonnie and Clyde's appearance wouldn't be that unusual if they were cows or dogs, but they're donkeys. Who has stray donkeys?!
     Apparently, Bonnie & Clyde went on a 'walk-a-bout.' First, they wondered onto our busy highway. Then, the Game Warden herded them to a third neighbor's property. Then, the donkeys either jumped our fence or squeezed through the wire to our property.
     After that, it became a search for their owner and an effort to get them back home. The problem at the time was, everybody from the Game Warden to the donkeys' owner to our deer hunters said, "We can't find them."

They're They Are!/Near Josie's Tank, WRP

     Guess they weren't looking too hard because Teresa and I found Bonnie & Clyde. We drove to 'Josie's Tank.' A tank is a pond in west Texas. They came to us like puppies at dinner time.
     T & I weren't prepared for such success, so quickly. We didn't know what to do. We drove off, but the Long-Eared couple followed. I had to speed up to out run them. It's not everyday that you come face to face with a couple friendly, curious donkeys.
     It took us about 24-hours to re-group and re-plan our 'donkey removal plan.'

     Here's what happened the next day. First, we addressed the 'cute issue.'

Teresa: "They're cute. I don't mind them. What harm are they doing if "Hulk" doesn't want them?"
Me: "I like 'em too. But let's see how they affect cows, deer, and other stuff"

     If you know nothing else about Teresa you should know that she makes Colombo, Kojak and Castle look like amateurs. Within minutes, T googled... "Donkeys affect on ranch/farm livestock & wildlife."
     Teresa found out that the bottom line is/was: Donkeys run off hogs and predators but don't really have a harmful affect on cows, horses or deer. The rub is, our deer lease friend, who pays a pretty penny, debated donkeys potential harmful affects on a property's deer population.

Me: "We don't need any donkeys. They could affect our deer population. We don't want to upset that relationship. Let's clean out the stock trailer, put 'em in it and haul 'em back to "Hulk. I'll tie 'em  up to his front porch with a note that says... Hello human! We're home! We missed you."
Teresa: "No you won't! I bet they'll just follow us to the corrals. Really, get some cat food in a bag. Shake it. Drive slow and they'll follow us."
Me: "Uh... okay, but I'd rather leave 'em on Hulk's front porch."

C'mon Lil' Fella/WRP

     I'll be danged if she wasn't right. We found Bonnie & Clyde. We clicked and cooed to get their attention. They immediately came to us.

     I slowly drove west on the ranch. Teresa dangled the cat food out her passenger side window. Every now and again, she'd shake it to make that sound every animals knows as supper.... Shish, shish, shish.

    Bonnie & Clyde walked, trotted and even lopped behind us. At one point, Bonnie or maybe it was Clyde, stopped. He or she put their nose in the dirt, dipped down and took a good hearty roll in the dust. Then, he or she got up and caught up with us.

     I don't know how far it was that they followed us. But when we drove into our west corrals, all the while rattling cat food into the pen, Bonnie & Clyde followed. A stray heifer inside the pens gave us fits for a bit, but eventually Bonnie & Clyde were safely pinned with water and feed at their snouts.

     Hulk the neighbor came for them and he even bladed our roads. So, we're down two donkeys but our roads are a lot smoother. Gotta love the country!

Bill Robertson