Gracie and Me: Covid-19 #7

     EXTRA! EXTRA! The Festus and Fife blows it again. Tillie loves her Baby Shark. And, what's the real Golden Ticket? Is it T-P or P-T? You'll have your chance to vote coming up.

My New Normal

   
     But first, I have a new normal to report. All this week, I got out of bed in the dark and early, showered and dressed of course so I could beat the crowds to the grocery store. Today was my earliest dash for just about anything left on the shelves.
     The sad part is, a lot of other people have a new normal and it's just like my new normal. I got to the store and there was already a line in the checkout. All water, toilet paper and meat was still long gone. As another shopper on aisle five said, "You sure can tell what people don't like."

     I wrote yesterday about a mystery that had the world famous team at the Festus and Fife Detective agency dusting off their fedoras and getting their trench coats out of mothballs.

CR 242/Scurry Co., TX

     We had a mystery vehicle, an H2 Hummer to be exact, cruising our country road. My neighbor reported the silver SUV driving up and down our road not once, not twice but three evenings in a row. The driver didn't show on the fourth night, but returned on the fifth. That's when we got the following message: "The Hummer is back."
     The neighbor pursued and got the license plate number. First, we called the sheriff who dispatched a deputy. Then, we hopped in Big Red, our old red chevy truck and picked up the surveillance.
     The first thing to note is, we drive a red truck and our neighbor drives a very similar red truck. We wondered if the mystery man at the wheel thought he was seeing double. The second thing to note and what should've been a sure sign that the FFDA was wrong again was..... The driver actually waved to us as we crossed paths.
     In the end, the sheriff called. His deputy pulled over the driver. He was a local oilfield worker from Missouri out on an evening country drive with his young son, who'd probably been cooped up all day since schools are closed.
     So, not only did the FFDA strike out again, but also we probably caused trauma to the child who's already very scared by the Covid-19 emergency and then watched his dad get pulled over by the cops.
     It's our granddaughter Tillie's third birthday today and she got her Baby Shark Bike with training wheels. The word from mom is SHE LOVES IT!

The Golden Ticket/T-P vs P-T?

   
     And now the GOLDEN TICKET debate. Here's the question: What's the real Golden Ticket? Is it toilet paper or paper towels? Sounds like a trick question, right? Well, think about this... We gotta have T-P, but you can't clean with T-P. Even the really good stuff falls apart once it gets saturated in bleach water. But PAPER TOWELS, now we're talking. Of course, a paper towel picks up spills, works good as a cleaning cloth and holds up relatively well and long to saturation. But the real reason the PAPER TOWEL is the GOLDEN TICKET  is because it can double as not even the worst toilet paper. Thoughts? Post 'em below or on this FB page.

     Gracie Update: Our sweet Heinz 57 dog has some unusual eating habits. Sometimes, she'll eat alone. Sometimes, she won't eat at all unless we wait and watch. As per Teresa's suggestion, I got her some new food today. I'll keep ya posted.

     Diet Update: Still losing a pound here and a pound there and feeling thinner. My good, old friend Rich Marvin from Episcopal High School in Baton Rouge, LA says he's lost a whopping three pounds thanks to his wife's new, Vegan diet. Knowing how much Rich likes meat, his weight loss is probably like mine.... We simply don't like the diet food.

Bill Robertson, Fridays are our diet cheating today. Bring on the carbs!!!

   

Gracie and Me; Covid-19 #6

     The Festus & Fife Detective Agency is back in business. Covid-19 can't stop a good country mystery.(pic)
     Teresa is Festus and I'm Fife and on the side... we like to try to solve mysteries whether they're about mystery lights on the ranch at night or, in our latest case, a mystery vehicle traveling our county road.
     There's one very important point to tell you about our FFDA. Simply put, we are ALWAYS wrong. Still, we like to try.

CR 242/Scurry Co. TX

     First, we got the facts. A neighbor, a white male in his mid-20s, 165-190 pounds and a big white dog, who we'll keep mostly  anonymous told us: The vehicle's a silver, H2 Hummer. The SUV's driver goes past our Windmill Ranch gate and then turns around about a mile down the road.  The neighbor told us, the drive-by happened the past three nights, each time around 19:30 (that's 7:30pm.)
     Recon isn't our strong suit. We normally just bat around a few 'what ifs,' think we solved the mystery and then realize we're completely wrong.

Windmill Ranch Preserve/Scurry Co. TX

     But this time, we hatched a plan. First, we'd wait just inside the gate. We'd let the Hummer go west, turn around and when it passed our gate again we'd exit and casually get behind the vehicle to get the license plate number. At the time, we thought it was a great idea.
     Well... First, we were too close to the gate. So, we backed up. Then, I ran over a little, mesquite tree so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a flat. Finally, we found a spot and it started to rain. In the end, there was no Hummer. In fact, there was no one. So like usual for our budding detective firm, we got nothing. But, we're good with that.

Betty Elam/Snyder, TX

     Next, we met Betty and she gave us her paper towels. There were only three packages of paper towels in all of Snyder this morning. There are zero packages tonight. But thanks to Mrs. Betty Elam this morning we walked away from CVS with the golden ticket. Here's what happened at the register.

     Me: "Is that all the paper towels."
     Mrs. Elam: "Yep. I got the last of it. And don't go to Walmart or United. They don't have any."
     Me: "I know."
     Mrs. Elam: "Do you need some?"
     Me and Teresa: "Uh, no ma'am. If you need 'em, you take 'em."
     Mrs. Elam: "I don't know if they'll let me. I may be over my limit. Will ya sell 'em to me," she asked the young woman at the register.
     Young Woman at the Register: "That's up to you ma'am."
     Mrs. Elam: "Y'all take 'em. You can have my paper towels, but YOU CAN'T HAVE MY TOILET PAPER!!"

The Golden Ticket

     So, we paid $9.69 for a package of six paper towel rolls. But the lady in the great, green t-short and sense of humor, we now have paper towels for a few days. Thank you Mrs. Elam.

     Gracie update: Gracie's off her feed. Teresa's convinced we need to give her a variety.
   
     T: "How would you like to eat the same thing every night.".
     Me: "She's a dog. An animal."
     T: "Still."
   
      I bet Gracie gets something with chicken tomorrow.

     Diet update: I'm down another pound. Tonight, we're having Swai (catfish) stuffed with spinach Madeleine (Mrs. Olivier's recipe) and blanched asparagus with cracked peppers & lemon. I know it sounds good, but I used fancy words. I'd rather have a Whopper with pickles, onions and heavy mustard and fries with some of Burger King's fancy sauce. Then after awhile, I'd like a brownie topped with Blue Bell's Homemade Vanilla.

Bill Robertson, Thanks Mrs. Elam. The direct line for the FFDA is: 1-800-ONE-BULLET
     
   

Gracie and Me, Covid-19 #5

     Covid 19 can't stop time. The Coronavirus, no matter how serious and scary, can't stop birthdays and anniversaries.
     Today (3/18) is my step-son Cody's 34th. Tomorrow is his wedding anniversary to Kayci. And the day after tomorrow (3/20) is their daughter's birthday, my granddaughter.... Tillie Ann Wall. She'll be three years old and she wants a bike and not just any bike.

The Baby Shark

     Tillie's asked for the yellow, Baby Shark bicycle with training wheels she saw while shopping with her mom at Walmart.
     At first, we didn't know if were looking at the right bike. There were a lot of them, but none said the two most important words: Baby Shark. We spotted it high up on the bike rack. I couldn't understand how a three year old could look up so high and spot her birthday wish. But, we would learn, thanks to a nice Walmart lady.

     Here's how it played out...
     Me:" I'm sorry to ask but can you get that yellow bike up at the top?"
     Nice Walmart Lady: "Don't be sorry. That's what I do. I'll be right back. I gotta grab the ladder."
   
     Well, 'right back' wasn't exactly 'right back.' So, I had time to text Kayci the above picture. I added to the text, "Is this the right bike?" We didn't have to wait for Kayci to reply before we got absolute confirmation from the nice Walmart lady.

     Nice Walmart Lady: "Okay. You want the yellow, Baby Shark, right?"
     Me: "Yes. Please."
     Nice Walmart Lady: "Does someone have a birthday coming up? There was a little girl in the store the other day with her mom and she REALLY wanted that bike."
     Me: "Was she a little blonde headed girl?"
     Nice Walmart Lady: "Yep."
     Me: "That'd be Tillie! How'd that go for you?"
     Nice Walmart Lady: "She REALLY wanted that bike."

     Viola! Confirmation! Turns out Tillie had seen the Baby Shark when the store had it on display at ground level. So, I'm happy to report that she wasn't just wondering around Walmart and staring up at the ceiling.

The Baby Shark

     We took the yellow bike back to our house for safe keeping until Tillie's big day, but not before another Walmart helper filled me in on the Baby Shark craze.
     Turns out that Baby Shark is a very popular kids program with apparently lots of merchandizing that goes with it.

     Me: "I didn't know that," I told the helpers.
     The Nice Walmart Lady: "Oh yeah. My daughter loves 'em. She has all their stuff. She plays the song all day long."
     Me: "There's a song? Didn't know that."
    Other Walmart Helper: "It doesn't come with the bike."
                                                             Me: "Thank goodness."

     So back off Covid-19! Tillie's getting her bike and you can't shut down time. Don't worry. We're not ruining her surprise by writing about it. She can't read.

     Diet Update: I'm down 19-pounds as of this morning. Teresa's down even more. Still, it's tough. Today, I can't get a chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and gravy and push peas out of my head.

     Gracie Update: I'm pretty sure she's bored. She had to go out this morning at 4:00. When I called her back, she definitely wasn't ready to get back in her kennel or basket as Tillie calls it.

Bill Robertson, Ride Tillie Ride!
   
   

Gracie and me, Covid-19 #4

    The Covid-19 cancellation train just pulled into our station. My youngest son and his fiancé just postponed their April wedding due to Coronavirus.  Joe and Sharon had planned to marry at Battle Mountain Farm in Franklin, Tenn., but now everything is TBD... To be Determined. We all absolutely hate it for them, but fully support their decision.https://www.battlemountainfarm.net/
   
    I suppose one of the many questions that they're asking themselves, like so many others in the same situation is: "Where do we begin"? Then, there's the avalanche of other questions that quickly follow: "What about all our deposits? What about our flowers, food and everything else that's been ordered. What about the paid in full honeymoon in a distant land?"
     We had two bottom lines for Joe. I'd wager other parents had the same two lines for their young, adult children. The first was telling Joe that he made the smart decision. I'm sorry he had to, but I'm proud of him. We told him that he'd have many, many more big weekends in his life but he'd also have his share of downturns. The part one bottom line was, he will persevere.
     Our other bottom line for Joe and all the younger people in our country was: You are not 10-feet tall and bullet proof. Promise me that you'll be aware of what's going on, pay attention and take necessary precautions.

     Talking about Joe gets me to thinking about Joe. He's the child who told me once as we gobbled Big Macs and fries at the Royal Oaks McDonalds in Franklin, Tenn., "Dad, it just doesn't get any better than this." He's also the child who wrapped up a baby goat in his favorite University of North Carolina jacket when we lived in the country and kept our landlord's goats. He's the kid who fell asleep playing the game Hide n' Seek. Then, his mother called me at work frantic that she couldn't find Joe. And, he's the kid who was a walk on football player at Tennessee Tech https://www.tntech.edu/ , but ended his playing days with a full scholarship thanks to his hard work and dedication.
     I'm sure that all the moms and dads with kids in similar wedding cancellation situations like Joe and Sharon are hurting for their children. But these are scary times, there's no getting around that. We're proud of Joe and Sharon for their choice. I'd bet good money other parents feel the same way we do.

     Diet Update: It still sucks. We're having fish tonight. About the only way that I really like fish is fried with a lot of tartar sauce, fries and hush puppies. But, that's not the way we're having it tonight. And to make matters worse, we're not having fries and hush puppies. We're having baked vegetables.
     Here's a question for you. If you could pick any meal for supper tonight from anywhere (homemade or take out,) what would you eat? I'd have a burger and fries from Dearman's in Baton Rouge or maybe the same thing from Georges under the overpass on Perkins Road in Baton Rouge.

     Gracie Update: She's outside right now literally chewing on a tree limb. She's completely oblivious to the goings on in the world. Of course, she doesn't have thumbs so we don't expert a whole lot.

Bill Robertson, if I didn't have the burger and fries--I'd want the Mexican Dinner at El Chico with some nachos. Teresa wants Sweet Shop Steak Fingers (Snyder, America)

Gracie and me: Covid-19 #3

          Hi y'all. I gotta hurry. I have only 40-minutes until supper comes out of the oven. We're on this whacko diet. So, I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to eat but apparently timing is part of the weight loss campaign.
        I wrote yesterday that west Texas weather and Covid-19 have a lot in common. I wrote that seems to change daily. I was wrong. West Texas weather may change daily, but Covid-19 changes hourly.
                                                         (30-minutes to supper)
        The MGM closed it's hotels and casinos. Several states shut down restaurants and bars. The White House issued an advisory to keep gatherings to 10-people or less. All this happened between 8:00am and 2:00pm. We had cloudy skies all day. Nothing changed.
        Today was my day to get a good dose of social distancing and deal with the 10-person advisory. The first caught me off guard. The latter shocked me into reality.
        Here's what happened. I went to the grocery store as usual early this morning. Jonathon, the manager, told me we can hope for more toilet paper on Thursday. Oh crap. I couldn't resist.
                                                        (24-minutes to supper)
       The real developments began on my second trip to town. I had to run a few errands including stamps at the post office. I ran into our local newspaper publishers outside the building. I had a couple questions about the second element of my day as he's the expert on the matter. We talked like we were a couple of seventh graders dancing. We kept our distance and moved in circles, just like I did in 1975. One of our local undertakers was leaving. He offered his hand for a shake and it was the publisher who only offered his elbow. Wow! Bam! There it was. Social distancing first and then the blatant no touching. I felt so rude.
        The second issue is boring but surprising, at least to me. I'm president of our local economic development board. We had to cancel our monthly meeting today due to Covid-19 fears. We tried to find a way to hold the meeting as a teleconference, but we couldn't do that due to the Open Meetings Act.
                                                         (17-minutes to supper)
      Teresa and I remain holed up out in the country. Small town America might be the safest, calmest part of the country. Gracie, the dog, is fine. In fact, I was thinking this might be a good time to be a dog, cow, lamb or any animal.
                                                         (14-minutes to supper)
     Supper's coming up. I wish I were excited. This diet works, but as a true southerner... it's absolutely terrible to not look forward to eating. It sucks and let me explain that. The phrase "It Sucks" has at least two definitions.
     The first definition is literal. It sucks means it really sucks. But the second definition is ironic. For example if you ask me "How did it feel to win the $1,000,000 lottery" and I said, "It didn't suck," means it's great.
     The diet really sucks... but it works.

Bill Robertson
What I wouldn't give for a #1 Combo at McDonalds or at least a good bag of Fritos. (8-minutes to supper)

Gracie & Me: Covid-19 #2

     The news about Covid-19 and west Texas weather have a lot in common. Both can change in 24-hours.

Stormy Snyder Texas

     We had a rare, beautiful day yesterday. The skies were blue, the temperature hovered in the cool range and the wind didn't blow. That's what we call a good day. But within 24-hours and just like the news about Covid-19, we had new developments. Our weather changed from the perfect to the nasty, just like the quickly changing news of the virus that for a reason unbeknownst to me appears named after a Mexican beer.
     I started writing this particular blog because someone on Facebook said to use this time of crises and fear to do something productive. I figured, why not keep a daily journal(ish) and share it as a blog.
     This is the third day of the Covid-19 Serious Scare. That's what I'm calling it. I've changed my daily shopping habits to practice 'social distancing.' I wouldn't say I'm running scared, but I'm definitely on alert. So to that end, I've started shopping during the early morning hours at our local grocer. It's a good and bad thing.
     It's good because, I can get in and out in mere minutes. It's bad because I haven't seen anyone I really know. That's good because I don't have to visit or more precisely not stand within six feet of anyone and I don't have to shake hands. It's bad because, I don't get to visit and I don't get to shake hands. WE don't get to visit and shake hands.(pix)

No Chicken-No Turkey, Snyder TX

     I wish I could report about significant updates at our local grocer, but I can't. The toilet paper and paper towel aisle are still empty, the canned goods are running low and the frozen vegetables are almost gone too. Strangely, all the healthy stuff in frozen foods is still very well stocked. Today, I needed cauliflower rice and I had two or three whole shelves to choose.
     Speaking of cauliflower rice, I needed that stuff because of this whacko diet we're taking. The diet works, but the food choices are absolutely the worst. Before I begin my tirade about healthy eating, there's one thing I should be honest about. I'm a craver. There, I said it.

Big Mac, Snyder TX

     I crave Big Macs. I know the secret sauce is just Thousand Island, but I'll never forget the time that my youngest son, Joe, and I were sharing a number-1 at a McDonalds and he said, "Dad, it just doesn't get any better than this." I'll never, ever forget that moment.  I crave Krispy Kreme doughnuts so much that I can taste them when I go to bed. I crave Kraft macaroni and cheese, but with A-1. Oooh, it's so good. I crave my homemade, mini Muffaletas. I crave nachos with lots of jalapenos. I'm a craver. So to eat 'fuelings,' as they're called, that taste similar to paste and then get only one real meal a day that's mostly vegetables is kind of like going to the dentist. Terrible! But, I gotta admit the diet works. There! I vented!
     Gracie, the dog, is good. She's kind of bored with us just sitting around waiting for the world to end, but she's chewing sticks, gnawing on rocks and chasing the occasional varmit. She's a good girl.

Bill Robertson, starving!
Update: I went back to the store because I forgot something. They had chicken, turkey and some beef. I said to the meat manager, "Looks like you're back in business." He quietly and cautiously replied, "At least for now."

Gracie & Me: Covid-19, #1

     I'm sitting here at The Windmill Ranch in Snyder, Texas or Paradise on the Plains as I like to call it, and it's hard to imagine that half the world is shutdown and all the world is waiting for the left foot to drop due to the Coronavirus  Pandemic. Covid-19 is changing lives, ours included.

The Windmill Ranch, Snyder Texas

     
         We're having a beautiful spring day. The sky's clear. The temperature is good. We've had a good dose of rain. And most importantly, the usually ubiquitous wind is NOT blowing. For us, this is a great weather day!
         So here we sit wondering 'what in the world is going on in the world'? What are we supposed to do? What's the smart thing to do? What about church tomorrow or the meeting I have next week? What about the grandkids? What about our kids who live in bigger cities and don't watch the news?
        I want to make it clear that we are not panicking. But, I also know because I worked in the TV new business for 16-years, that while TV news groups salivate over blowing stories out of proportion, I've NEVER worked with any newscaster who intentionally lied or distorted the facts. So what I'm saying is; This is real folks. What are you going to do with it?
        Someone posted on Facebook "Why not make a list of things you hope to do." So, here I am. I hope to write. Why not write about what you know or experience? That's what a college professor once told us.

United Grocery Store, Snyder Texas

     The panic buying in the bigger cities has been documented, but it's in small town America too. Take a look at the picture on the left. That's our grocery store in a town of 11,202 people.
     I go to this store everyday. By name, I know the managers, the cashiers, the produce men, the deli ladies. I raise one finger and I get one pack of cigarettes. I raise two fingers and I get two packs of cigarettes. I'm not proud of that, but I know this store and even around Thanksgiving I have not seen crowds like this.
        Now, I go to the store before 8:30am to beat the crowds and to avoid people. So no question, Covid-19 is changing our lives.

     The Great Toilet Paper Depression is also affecting us in small town America.

United Grocery Store, Snyder Texas

     I took the picture on the right on the Wednesday before the proverbial 'crap hit the fan.' As you can see, the cheap stuff was already taken. The double and triple ply remained on the shelves. This morning, ALL of it was gone.
     This morning, I noticed all the fresh chicken is gone too and only the expensive beef is still on the shelf. Strangely though, there's still lots of fresh produce, canned goods and even bottled water. Also, the fears are apparently not affecting beer and wine sales.

     I'm not real sure what Teresa and I will do in the coming days. I'll probably write about it and hopefully include a few pictures to illustrate what we're seeing.
   

On a Diet

          One thing we are doing that's completely unrelated to Covid-19 is, we are on a diet. Teresa wanted to lose weight. My doc told me "to shrink." Seriously, that's what he said!
          He's Egyptian with the shiniest head you've ever seen. He talks and moves real fast, but he's a pretty cool guy.
          The picture to the left is our food. The front, left basket contains the 'snacks.' The center basket is the 'soup.' The right, front basket has the 'breakfast/snack bars,' the back, right has the 'starches' and the back, left basket has other 'stuff.'
         The bottom line is; It is like eating paste, chalk, drywall or paper. As someone who grew up in the deep south where food is absolutely everything, it is now a terrible, terrible disappointment to dread what's for dinner. But, I think it's working. I've lost 17-pounds. T's lost 22 and kept it off. I'm sleeping better and I can drive through McDonald's without completely craving a Big Mac (the BEST!)

     Gracie the dog is good. She's walking with us as we take this diet challenge on the road. Like I said earlier, we've had a good dose of rain. Unfortunately, Gracie's found just about every mud puddle to take a break.

Bill Robertson, craving just about anything that's not on this tasteless diet. ANYTHING!